Sean has completed another semester at Crafton Hills College. Brianna is busy with school and work. Ryan has finished a year at a junior college!!!!! Opal (woof) is our dog. And Jerry is keeping busy and out of trouble by blogging *gulp* and posting on the internet *big gulp*.
Pam passed away suddenly at the beginning of July 2007. Pam we all love you and miss you.
All those empty drifting moments. Days that seem to never end. Dreams and wants and wishes. Leaves and wind and idle days.
Sun that brightly blazes. But, somehow chills us to the bone. Words that need to be spoken. Deep desires never shared or shown.
Rain that swirls and cleanses. Memories of bygone days. Dreams that haunt your empty nights. Aches that yearn and weighs us down.
Never saying what you want. Words that burn - Desire and Fear and Want. Words that grow - Love and Care and Hope. Hidden thoughts that swirl and disappear.
. . . a whisper that you never hear. I lean to whisper my hidden thoughts. But, fear swirls and weighs me down. I manage a meager smile. Then swirl and disappear.
Pamela Lynn Costales - June18, 1960 to July 1, 2007 - RIP
The simple thing to say is that after four years that my heart is still broken. But, I can't.
The Corrs - Heart Like A Wheel
The worst time was the night after Pam died. That was when it felt that my heart had shattered and could never be mended. But, there were the kids and they kept me from feeling that all wasn't lost and that there would be more time. That there would be a time to heal. The years have gone too quickly.
One would have expected to have experienced at least onecatharticmoment during the past years. But, that catharsishas not occurred. I believe that I am a victim of the current times. That I expect the quick and neat solutions that are common and much present in the literature, movies, and television of today. But, real life is too intricate for such trite conclusions.
Sarah McLachlan - In the Arms of an Angel
The Whole World is different not because of Pam’s death. The Whole World changed for me when Pam and I became a couple. That union, that event pre-dated any formal engagement or even the wedding ceremony. Both the engagement and wedding are but the public acknowledgement of the private and even sacred commitment that two loving people share when they love one another. That I love Pam there is no doubt. (And there is a part of me that will always yearn for her. As the song says "I don’t know much. . . but I Know I Love You ".)
This writing is not a remembrance of lost love. That love continues. This is a commitment to renewed Hope and a prayer for strength in the challenges that lay ahead. Pray for the kids and myself as we solider on and enter another year.
Pam would be so proud of all her Children. (And I hope she would be proud of me as well. Pam was the better parent and in many things Pam did her jobs and duties as Mother far better then I am doing now as the Kids’ Father.)
Today, I donated by 174th and 175th pints of blood products at the blood bank in San Bernardino. I've been donating platelets and plasma. (Platelets are the solid parts of the blood and plasma is the liquid part of the blood.) The blood bank gives you 2 pints credit since they take so much out of you. Hopefully, by early next year I should have 200 pints or 25 gallons. That's 13 donations. By the way, unlike whole blood, I can donate platelets and plasma every two weeks instead of every 56 days.
Into the Darkness The Twilit approaches and so into the Darkness soon I must go.
Some plans are never completed and some songs are never sung. Life has its share of Pain and Sorrow. Life has its share of Laughter and Joy.
The Churn of Memories almost drowns me as I recall what is my life. I refuse to dwell in Sorrow and I will not succumb to constant Tears.
I face the Fears and Shadows that follow me and I will not despair. I know now that Good is twisted with the Bad. And even Good times must finally end.
But, I know that Pain and Sorrow fade and end as well. As I draw Strength to enter into the Twilit; I know that the Light of morning will always follow the Darkness of night.
Some things will never change, the work, doubts, and strife. But, Good memories and Love really never fade.
So, I walk with a smile and briskly into the approaching Twilit. I take comfort that the Light always follows Darkness and walk with memories of our Love that never fades.
So, into the Twilit and Darkness I will bravely go. Despite, the Pain, Sorrow, Shadows, and Fears; Good memories strengthen me and our love will sustain me . . . as the Twilit approaches and so into the Darkness soon I must go.
Arcadia Costales - October 8, 1914 to August 2, 2009 - RIP
Early Sunday afternoon, my sister called to inform us that our Mother had passed. My mother was 94 years old and lived a long and full life. She leaves four children - Grace, Emmanuel, Gerald, and Raphael. Six grandchildren and two great grandchildren. She will be buried with my father at Riverside National Veterans Cemetery. There are not set plans as of yet.
If you want further information please contact me. God Bless.
. .And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."
. .Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
. . . "Glory to God in the highest,
. . . . . and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."
. .When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about."
. .So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.
Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame, With conquering limbs astride from land to land; Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame. "Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"
Pamela Lynn Costales - June18, 1960 to July 1, 2007 - RIP
The simple thing to say is that after a year that my heart is still broken. But, I can't.
The Corrs - Heart Like A Wheel
The worst time was the night after Pam died. That was when it felt that my heart had shattered and could never be mended. But, there were the kids and they kept me from feeling that all wasn't lost and that there would be more time. That there would be a time to heal. The year has gone too quickly.
One would have expected to have experienced at least onecatharticmoment during the past year. But, that catharsishas not occurred. I believe that I am a victim of the current times. That I expect the quick and neat solutions that are common and much present in the literature, movies, and television of today. But, real life is too intricate for such trite conclusions.
Sarah McLachlan - In the Arms of an Angel
The Whole World is different not because of Pam’s death. The Whole World changed for me when Pam and I became a couple. That union, that event pre-dated any formal engagement or even the wedding ceremony. Both the engagement and wedding are but the public acknowledgement of the private and even sacred commitment that two loving people share when they love one another. That I love Pam there is no doubt. (And there is a part of me that will always yearn for her. As the song says "I don’t know much. . . but I Know I Love You ".)
This writing is not a remembrance of lost love. That love continues. This is a commitment to renewed Hope and a prayer for strength in the challenges that lay ahead. Pray for the kids and myself as we solider on and enter a new year.
Pam would be so proud of all her Children. (And I hope she would be proud of me as well. Pam was the better parent and in many things Pam did her jobs and duties as Mother far better then I am doing now as the Kids’ Father.)
Solstices occur twice a year, when the tilt of the Earth's axis is most oriented toward or away from the Sun, causing the Sun to reach its northernmost and southernmost extremes. The name is derived from the Latin sol (sun) and sistere (to stand still), because at the solstices, the Sun stands still in declination; that is, its apparent movement north or south comes to a standstill.
The term solstice can also be used in a wider sense, as the date (day) that such a passage happens.
Summer begins on June 20th in 2008 in the Northern Hemisphere. The seasons are considered by some Western countries to start at the equinoxes and solstices, based on astronomical reckoning.
Though she wasn't my Mother, my wife Pam was the Mother to our three children. And it is her Mother's Days that I remember more than those I may have celebrated with my own dear Mother.
The first Mother's Day gift Pam received was not from me. My father had sent Pam her first Mother's Day card. (Sean our oldest would only be my parent's second grandchild. And at the time we had no idea if Sean was to be born male or female.)
A month later, I received my first Father's Day gifts from Pam. A new toaster and a jar of marmalade. (I had mentioned that my favorite jam was orange marmalade. And I doubt we had a toaster at the time.)
And one Mother's Day Eve. Sean, Brianna, Ryan, and I sneaked out to Wal-mart to buy Pam a new coffee maker. Not the best of stories, but certainly the best of memories. And some memories never fade.
